


The Dark Lord..... um Ron Weasley??

by TessaVance



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Harry is a Little Shit, Hermione should really know better but her boys are leading her astray, Humor, M/M, Ron being a Dark Lord in training, Ron has no idea what he is doing but he is making it work anyway, Ron one upping his brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24942412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TessaVance/pseuds/TessaVance
Summary: all Ron's older brothers had already achieved most of the common goals.If he put all the work and effort into achieving them, well, it would still be second hand, wouldn’t it?So there really was no other choice but to set himself up to become a Dark Lord.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter/Ron Weasley
Comments: 63
Kudos: 289
Collections: Bottom!Harry, Poly fics





	The Dark Lord..... um Ron Weasley??

Ron always knew he was destined for greatness.

Even if he started with a crappy hand. There was nothing Ron could do about the fact he was born the sixth son to poor parents. Which meant no amount of crying or whinging would get him the things he desired.   
(Trust me, Ron knows this for a fact, not only did he try this method, but he tried it for four years, it just wasn’t working ok!) 

He also learned that if he just sat around and waited to be handed things, they would be second or third hand by the time he got them.   
(Which is fine and dandy for a poor family but was hardly going to help him stand out now was it.)  
Then there was also the fact that all his older brothers had already achieved most of the common goals. If he put all the work and effort into achieving them, well, it would still be second hand, wouldn’t it?

So there really was no other choice but to set himself up to become a Dark Lord. Although he wasn’t a hundred percent sure yet how to go about it, he was sure he could figure it out in time. 

Ron got his first sign that fate agreed with his plan to become a Dark Lord on the train ride going to Hogwarts. He had entered a compartment that held a tiny scruffy bespectacled boy. Figuring that here was someone who wouldn’t instantly categorise Ron on things he had no hand in, like his birth and family, and find him wanting.

In fact, the boy looked so desperate to have Ron as his friend that Ron knew he could make this boy into one of his followers. He showered Ron with gifts and offerings of lollies plus he stood up for Ron against the rich popular pureblood. 

Then get this right, that boy turned out to be Harry Potter.

Yep, the Harry Potter.

Who was completely ignorant about the wizarding world and had no idea about his fame or how to put it to best use.   
And fate had let Ron get to him first before anyone else could use him to their own purposes. 

Ron pulled out a piece of parchment and wrote STAFF as the heading underneath he drew two columns then put Harry Potter in the first one labelled Name and Boy hero in the position section, with Harry watching eagerly. He would become the Boy-who-lived’s Lord and Master. Ron puffed up pleased with his first step in the grand plan to become a Dark Lord.

“Does this mean we are friends now?” Harry interrupted his daydream.

Ron looked at him in bewilderment

(What this? People in the real world don’t just automatically do as I wish? Drat, this Dark Lord business is going to be harder then what I thought) then considered it would make a good cover.

Oh alright then, he would be friends if he must. (But just for show, not for real now.)

“Another Weasley,” The Sorting Hat proclaimed. “I know just what to do with you, best be GRYFFINDOR.”

“Thank Fuck” came the faint thought as he was lifted from the boys head.

 _Hmm, I might have been a little hasty there._ The hat thought, then mentally shrugged, _He’s with the rest of his family what’s the worst that can happen?_ That thought would come back and haunt the hat for years to come. 

Ron hadn’t been convinced about the usefulness of Hermione until she lied to the teachers and got them out of trouble for fighting a troll.   
(Ooo what’s this? another clueless person willing to throw themselves on their sword for me. I’m definitely going to take advantage of that)  
Adjusting his plan he crossed off, wipe out muggle-borns as his cause, and added Hermione Granger, adviser, to his list of staff.

He was pleased he had managed to increase his workforce but a bit annoyed that he would have to go look for a new cause. After some thought, he reluctantly came to the conclusion that this was probably a good thing as he didn’t want to be the same as other Dark Lords after all.

His master plan definitely needed some work when at the end of the year he had to send Harry onwards to confront the thief by himself due to the _tiny_ fact of Ron being unconscious via giant chess set.  
(It was strategic alright, he wasn’t so weak-minded to be affected by being around Harry and have his heroic bravery rub off on him.)   
He wasn’t sure that he had trained Harry enough for solo missions yet. But still, the boy Hero did alright considering.   
(Although he was most peeved that Harry hadn’t kept hold of the philosophers stone and had instead let Dumbledore destroy it. He could have made good use of it.)  
Harry had pleaded for forgiveness most prettily on the train ride home and was still worshipfully following his commands that Ron decided he wouldn’t throw away a years’ worth of work on the Hero, but he would step up the training. 

* * 

Therefore he was most displeased when halfway through the summer he still hadn’t gotten a reply to his letters.  
How was he supposed to keep an eye on his boy hero if he refused to respond to Ron? In the back of his mind, a thought whispered that perhaps he had bitten off more than he could chew by trying to stand out from the rest and being the only Dark Lord that had a light hero as his follower.

It was surprisingly easy to convince the twins to help him borrow, without permission, their dad’s car, and fly to Harry’s house. He had to see if he had to cut his losses and start again this time without The Boy-who-lived.   
Something dark and ugly stirred when he saw the bar on Harry window and the state he was living in.  
(Although this did totally excuse the lack of communication between them. A large part of his mind was relieved that Harry was still his ~~friend~~ follower.)

He got one twin to collect Harry’s stuff from under the stairs and the other to pull Harry into the car while he supposedly kept watch.   
In reality, he stormed to the main bedroom his anger manifesting in a halo of flames as he hissed threats at the horrible adults quailing in the bed. He then stormed back out and took a couple of deep breaths cooling his anger before reapplying his dim-witted Gryffindor mask joining his brothers and his boy hero. 

(The Dursley’s were convinced a demon child from hell had come and threaten them. They packed up and moved vowing to never set sight on that freakish child of Lily’s again so quickly that by the time Albus Dumbledore found out they had long gone.)

When they arrived back home things started to go pear shape as their mum had caught them out of bed. She was lecturing them all so ferociously she seemed to tower over them, despite the fact they were all at least a head taller than her.   
(Ron may have been taking notes in the back of his mind impressed.)

Finally unable to take anymore, (what sort of Dark Lord even one in training let themselves be yelled at by their Mother?) He shouted out that they were mistreating Harry, only to have his mother respond that things would have been different only they had said something.

Ron froze, then leveled a flat stare of disbelief at her. He had been telling his parents for weeks now that something was wrong only to be patted on the head and sent on his way. His expression didn’t change as his mother looked away embarrassed, she hum’d and harr’d and eventually swept the whole incident under the rug, shooing all the children into the kitchen for breakfast. 

The twins had been so impressed with this they didn’t hesitate for a moment to sign on as his followers. He added inventors to his growing list of staff. 

* *

His second year he found out that his boy hero had an unexpected talent.

(Bonus for him, although he would have preferred to find this out in private and not in front of the whole School Harry!   
What do you mean you didn’t know you were speaking a different language?   
How can you not know that?   
It just sounds like English to you?   
Sigh ok we will work on it). 

People were idiots who believed anything the newspaper told them.   
(Extremely interesting to know, will make use of that later.)

And you don’t need much skill or knowledge to become a teacher, just some creative lies behind you. They don’t need to be believable just entertaining.   
(Not sure he needs to know that as he has no desire to be a teacher but still it could prove to be useful later). 

Also Fate both loves and hates him. Loves him because Lockhart wiped his memory saving Ron from having to use more drastic measures. Hates him because his little sister was possessed and he never noticed. He was going to have to do better than that. No one got to possess and torment Ginny except for him. (And maybe his brothers) 

He had informed Harry that he was to claim all the credit for  
\- slaying the basilisk,   
-destroying the diary and   
-rescuing Ginny.   
The reality was only the diary part was true. 

Ron had followed Harry into the chamber. He had not liked the look of this Tom fellow right from the start and remembering what his dad said about things that think for themselves. He had told Harry to chuck the diary at the basilisk. Who had naturally, bitten the thing that hit her in the face.

Once Tom was gone, Ron who knew a good thing when he saw it got Harry to act as a translator and had organised a deal with the giant snake. He had completely emphasised how being constantly hungry could drive you to do some reckless things.   
Like attacking school kids under the orders of a wraith.   
(What he was a growing boy alright, and understood the power of hunger pains) and with the promise of food, the Basilisk was quiet content to change owners. 

Ron was rather pleased. The Basilisk was going to make an impressive pet when he became a Dark Lord. 

He had only taken his eyes off Harry for a second while checking over his little sister when Harry had gone off script again, but luckily this time it had proven to be beneficial. There were a lot of things having a free elf on your side could help with. 

Not wanting to let Harry go off on his own again this summer (As he had now proven multiple times that he couldn’t be trusted to stay out of trouble) Ron decided it would be best if he had Harry were not separated.

Ron hadn’t given his parents a choice just informed them that this was how it was going to be. Of cause adults being adults they had to convince themselves it was all their idea, but whatever helped them sleep at night, Ron knew the truth and he had gotten what he wanted so that was that. 

* *

The next year had started off with a mass murderer after Harry.

An unusual black dog hanging around the school ground,

Hermione being in two places at once and Harry being allergic to the Dementor. 

Ron joined Harry in his lessons to learn the Patronus charm. He had to learn to protect his Assess ok, not because he had any sort of concern for Harry.   
He also had Hermione tell him the truth about the time turner.

Ron could see the use of this and informed Hermione that it was going to be ‘stolen’ from her at the end of the year. They had a brief argument about this but Ron won out. 

Waking up in the hospital bed at the end of the school year, Ron once again adjusted his plan, adding become animagus to his list of to do. Frustratingly his ‘find a cause to fight about’ was still sitting blank. 

He asked Dobby to steal the time turner once Hermione handed it in and happily added it to his list of important possession.

Which included an invisibility cloak,

a map of the school,

a basilisk,

and now time turner.

What?

What was Harry’s was his. He was Harry’s Lord after all. 

* *

Fourth-year, Ron had the three of them use the time turner to start to learn how to become animagus.   
He was rather annoyed when Harry’s name came out of the goblet, he knew that Harry hadn’t done it. By now he had Harry so well trained that there was no way he would do something like this without asking Ron first. 

Therefore the Dark side was throwing a spanner in his works. Didn’t they know he had plans for them? Seriously between this and the incident at the world cup, they were really running amok. Ron would have a much more disciplined ship once he became the leader. 

Although he did score another elf out of the whole deal. Ron had shook his head at the wastefulness of Mr. Crouch and as soon as he had freed her, Ron snatched Winky up. 

One thing Ron was noticing was his classification for people had grown. Instead of just noting their basic details and how useful they were Ron had somewhere added a looks category.   
And a surprising number of otherwise completely useless people had a high number of points in the looks column. Ron wasn’t entirely sure what to do with this information and so let it be for the moment. 

What he did do though was take full advantage of having free access to students from other countries. He made sure all of his followers took a foreign student to the stupid ball and charmed them as much as possible. 

Hermione surprisingly managed to get Krum. Ron definitely didn’t like the feeling in his stomach in regards to that and kept a close eye on them. He took a charming French boy as his date and had Harry set up with a Drumstrang girl. Fred and George had a boy and a girl both from different schools as well. 

Once the ball was finished and all their dates had been seen off and they were back in their room. Ron realised that Harry also had a huge amount of points in the looks column.   
Ron frowned in thought. Harry was his completely, but what if someone else had a looks column? Harry’s points were pretty impressive and Ron was worried someone else might try and take what was his. 

So he called Harry over to his bed and hidden behind his curtains he took Harry’s first kiss before someone else did.   
(That it was his first kiss as well was neither here nor there)   
That, Ron, thought to himself was rather nice and going by the delighted look Harry was giving him he thought so too.

So Ron took Harry’s second kiss and his third and his forth and….

Alright, so he took a lot of kisses. The point being no one else got them before he did. 

All was right in his world again, well, when he said all was right what he meant was, going mostly, sort of, occasionally wandering down side paths, to plan. 

He wasn’t overly fond of waking up in the middle of the black lake but was very pleased to see all the hard training he had put into Harry was bearing fruit, extra points for moral fibre or whatever bullshit the judges swanned on about. The things was they were lapping up his goodie two shoes light hero act with none the wiser. 

When it came to the third task, things did not go according to plan at all, not even if you squinted and looked at it from a different direction. 

When Harry and Cedric had disappeared, Ron had leapt up and hurried down the stairs and out of sight underneath the benchers.   
Being a Dark Lord in training, he recognised another dark lord’s handy work.

He called Dobby to bring him the stolen time turner. He flung the chain over his head and turned back two hours.   
Only a few overly eager people were sitting in the seats, Ron pulled out his invisibility cloak and once wrapped up stole back up to the castle. 

He made his way to where Harry was sitting with Hermione and the earlier him. He crept close and slipped a tracking stone into Harry pocket. Whispering “keep this on you,” to the boy who had stiffen up.   
Harry relaxed again and continued to talk away like nothing had happened. Ron had to give him credit. Harry’s acting skills were so good he hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary at the time. 

He then hurried off to the chamber of secrets.

Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh, the basilisk was quite pleased to see him.   
(Ron had when he had first heard her name asked via Harry if they could use the human equivalent. He was then promptly informed it meant, She-who-kills-all-and-eats-all-the-most-beautiful-and-terrifying-queen-of-serpents-whose-venum-is-so-potent-even-Death-itself-fears-it-and-the-mountains-and-valleys-tremble-in-awe-and-wonder-at the-sight-of-her-beauty-and-majesty-when-she-slithers-by, and no, it could not be shortened. You know what, Ron thought, Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh really wasn’t that hard to learn at all.) 

After petting her eye ridges until she had enough and admiring the sheen of her scales, something which took anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour depending on her mood. (And was extremely necessary in order not to be seen as food)   
Ron explained that they were going to rescue Harry……..   
Ok so what actually happened since neither of them spoke each other language was Ron pantomiming Harry   
(Putting his hands into circles around his eyes and then drawing a lightning bolt)   
in danger possible going to die,   
(Running around and hiding then clutching his heart and falling over making sure to stick his tongue out and close his eyes)   
and they were going to rescue him.   
(Point to him and then her then he put his arms out like claws and jumped at the unseen enemies and ate air with great gusto).

Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh had watched him do all this with a politely interested air. Once he had finished they looked at each other for a long awkward moment before she inclined her head regally.

 _That was extremely embarrassing._ Ron thought sourly, _I’m glad none of my followers saw me they would never be able to take me seriously again._ Still, he was pretty confident he had gotten the point across.

(He also added to the to-do list. Teach Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh some simple sign language.) 

He climbed up onto her neck and waited. He fingered his timing was pretty close to right. Sure enough, a few minutes later he felt the portkey that was keyed to the location stone he had slipped Harry warm up, letting him know the stone was now further than a couple of miles from him. 

He pointed to one of the tunnels leading away from Hogwarts. Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh looked at him blankly. He pointed again and shouted in frustration, kicking his heels trying to get her to move. She continued to look confused.

(Ron wasn’t even sure she could feel him kicking her, her scales were that strong)   
Ron swore and gestured furiously at the tunnel. She made a questioning hiss and slithered a tiny bit in the right direction. Nodding his head like a bobble-headed toy and pointing crazily Ron tried to encourage her. 

She lets out a great sigh then slithered into the tunnel. (Ron sometimes got a horrible thought that said he didn’t have a pet basilisk but she did have a pet Dark lord in training) Once they were away from the Hogwarts wards Ron activated the portkey. 

They arrived in the middle of a graveyard, Ron only had a chance to get a quick glance seeing a bunch of Death Eater in masks standing around some noseless dude before Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh attacked. 

He jumped off her back and hurried over to Harry.   
“Shift” He screamed.

Harry instantly turned into his animagus form, Ron followed not a second later. He pointed his paw to the sky then scrambled on Harry’s back.   
Harry who understood his gestor completely shot straight into the sky.

No confusion at all.

(I’m looking at you Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh)

Ron lifted his face, wind blowing through his fur, feeling like the king of the word. His paws were griping onto Harry’s feathers and he would tug on one now and then letting Harry know that they were to keep circling over the graveyard.   
Occasionally then a faint scream would reach them, but Ron ignored it. Concentrating on remembering how being the King felt.

Finally, there was no more noise and Harry gave a questioning Hoot. Ron looked over Harry’s shoulders but the graveyard was too far away for his animagus form to see.   
Mentally shrugging his shoulders he pointed down. Harry obliged him. When they landed the only living thing for miles was Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh, who was spiralled in a lazy circle digesting the feast she had just eaten. 

The two boys turn back to their human form, only to have Harry throw himself into Ron’s arms kissing him desperately. Whatever was affecting Harry was affecting him too, Ron was pulling him closer grasping hold.   
The next thing he knows they are ripping each other’s clothes off and falling to the ground. Ron lying on top of Harry, both their hips pistoling furiously, Harry is the first to cum two pumps later he follows. 

He rolls off Harry and they lay in the grass gasping for breath. _Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me that life-and-death experiences are an aphrodisiac?_ Ron thought angrily. _Harry being a hero means we have had plenty of experiences, and I could have been taking advantage of this fact if only I had known._   
Still, he knew now.

They performed a cleaning charm and got back into their clothes. He got the story of what has happened before he turned up, then got Harry to ask Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh if anyone had gotten away.   
According to her, no, she had eaten all the tasty snacks, including the noseless one

(Who was Voldemort apparently, Ron made a note not to use the same fashion adviser, because there was a difference between looking scary and whatever style Voldemort was going for.)   
and a snake that had twice the amount of life in her. Ron asked if the snake was pregnant but got a negative reply. Confused by deciding it wasn’t very high on the list at the moment Ron let it go. 

They still had a cover story to work out after all. After talking it back and forth they finally came to this version.   
-Harry and Cedric land in a graveyard.   
-Cedric is killed, Harry is tied up.   
-Wormtail makes a gross potion, chucks in a baby, and out pops Voldemort.   
-Voldemort calls his death eaters to him, makes grand villain speech.   
-Harry who has been rubbing the ropes tying him against a stone this whole time breaks free.   
-There is mass confusion and Harry heroically fights off three death eaters. 

(There was quite a bit of arguing about this, Harry wanted to fight Voldemort, but Ron had shot him down, no one would believe that. It’s not like some magic would stop their wands from fighting each other after all.   
Ron had offered that Harry could fight a Death Eater, Harry had looked sulky and complained he was the Boy-who-lived. He could take on more the one measly Death Eater, so Ron had agreed that perhaps there could be two. Harry had gotten a sly glint in his eye and offered Ron a blow job if he got to say it was three.   
Ron had carefully weighed the pros and cons and then concluded that three wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. He did want people to be impressed with his Hero after all. The fact all this thinking happened in a blink of an eye and Ron had his pants open and was pushing Harry to his knees within seconds of the offer, was just because there was something weird making time speed up, that’s all!   
Harry didn’t have the best technique as this was his first time, (Ron’s too) but he was enthusiastic and it was still bloody brilliant anyway. This was one skill he would be happy to help Harry improve in.)

Anyway, where were we ah yes.  
-There is mass confusion and Harry heroically fights off _three_ death eaters.  
-Harry grabs Cedric’s body and then portkeys back.

Thankfully for the story, Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh hadn’t eaten this body along with the rest as it had fallen half under a bush and she wasn’t inclined to hunt for dead bodies when there were plenty of live ones running around. 

But that did leave Ron in a bit of a pickle, how in the name of Merlin was he going to get Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh back to the chamber without anyone seeing her? Thankfully she promised that she knew the way home and could easily keep any wizards and most muggles from spotting her.   
(There would be a spat of random disappearances over the next couple of days for anyone unlucky enough to catch sight of her making her way home.) Ron was a bit dubious about this plan but didn’t really have much of a say in the matter. (Which was not helping him disprove the whole Ron is her pet thing)

“Oh,” Harry said. “What were you saying when you were down in the chamber.”  
“I was telling her that we were going off to rescue you,” Ron answered confused.   
She had done exactly what she was supposed to after all.   
“Why what did she think I said.”   
Harry listened to the long hissing answer and then replied  
“Um, not that.”   
He then refused to translate what she had said. Ron gave up quickly they had things to do after all.

He transformed back into his animagus form and climbed into Harry’s pocket. Harry bade farewell to Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh then grabbed hold of Cedric’s arm and summoned the trophy portkey to him.   
They arrived back to a mass of confusion and screams. Harry burst into tears on cue and Ron snuck out of his pocket and away unseen.

When they were all gathered in the hospital wing later that night, Harry once again had, had an extra adventure.   
Still, while it wasn’t the same as been eaten alive by a basilisk a dementors Kiss to the Death Eater pleased Ron enough to let it go.   
Ron and Harry explained the truth to Hermione. Well, all of the important parts, she really didn’t need to know about any sections that involved boy parts, after all, she wasn’t a boy and didn’t have the parts in question so it really wouldn’t interest her. 

She had been quite impressed with Ron’s cleaver thinking and Harry’s bravery so that was a quiet nice bonus for them.   
In regards to the winning gold, Hermione had insisted that it should be invested as they didn’t currently need any. Reluctantly Ron agreed. Then he made himself feel better by reminding himself this just proved that he was right when he appointed Hermione as his adviser. 

They split it, half going to some muggle thing call computers and half going towards his inventors joke shop. Hermione had been unsure to start with, but Ron got the twins to sit down with her and show her their future plains and what they had invented so far. She certainly looked astounded to see the twin pull out piles and piles of parchment all covered with writing and figures. By the end of the meeting, she had been behind the idea one hundred percent. 

(As a side note, Dumbledore had sent Snape off to the graveyard later that night to once again play spy. Snape arrived found a huge caldron knocked over on its side and a very scuffed up site, but no one else. This did prove the Potter brat wasn’t lying, and Snape figured Voldemort was probably gone off to one of his follower’s house to recoup. He was quite happy to put off re meeting ‘his Lord’ till he was called.) 

* * 

That summer was relatively normal.

Assuming you ignore the tiny incident of two dementors trying to attack Harry, they both whipped out their wands and cast the Patronus charm chasing the dementors off, and since this happened in the yard of a wizarding house, the ministry had no idea who cast the spell and nothing more came of it. 

Ron made sure to add time for Harry to work on blow jobs and frottage amidst all his other training. Ron was also kind enough to keep Harry company and besides learning a new skill could come in handy later.

In fifth year Ron learnt that you in fact don’t have to be a teacher at all to ‘teach’ all you need to do is stand at the front of the classroom and get the students to read from their textbooks.   
(Ron was, therefore, a bit bemused at the fact Dumbledore couldn’t get anyone in to ‘teach’ defence against the Dark arts. There was bound to be heaps of squibs desperate for a job, and this job apparently didn’t require them to be able to either a) perform magic or b) have any knowledge of the subject at hand.)   
As time progressed he also came to realise he didn’t like pink toads, especially ones that scared his Harry. 

Seeing the unrest amongst the students gave Ron the perfect idea of a way to recruit more people to become his followers. He gave the twins free rein to cause as much trouble for Umbitch as possible, whilst getting Hermione to prepare for a ‘secret and rebellious club’ where they would show kids forbidden spells.   
That, he knew was enough of a lure to get ninety percent of the students interested. 

“But, why wouldn’t we just say it’s a place to learn defence?” Hermione asked puzzled “Instead of making up an elaborate lie?”

“Two things,” Ron replied. “One technically we are not lying, we are rebelling, it is a secret, and currently defence spells are forbidden. Two, most kids don’t think like you Hermione, they don’t want to do school work, especially not in their free time.” 

Hermione still didn’t look convinced so Ron persuaded. 

“Look at it this way, we are tricking them into doing schoolwork without them knowing it.”

“Ooooo,” Hermione said happily. “Sneaky school work, I love it.”

And so started the club. There had been some talk of calling it Defence association or DA but Ron shot that down saying they might as well announce in the middle of the Great Hall what they were doing if they were going to have an obvious name like that. 

A muggle-born had tentatively suggested ‘rebel alliance’ which got a delighted reaction from all the half-bloods and muggle-borns so Ron allowed it. Ron had also insisted that all houses be invited. (He didn’t want to put in all the effort of swaying Slytherin’s when there was this much easier way available.) 

The first meeting looked like it was going to be disastrous with all the house’s squaring off until Ron made them take their ties off and put them away so that everyone was dressed identically in black, then when the house rivalries looked like they were going to start again Ron drawled out.

“Man I can’t believe there are so many teachers’ pets and swots in here.” When everyone turned to look at him in offence he continued. 

“Because everyone knows that the house rivalries were invented and encouraged by the teachers in order to get you to work harder. A student is barely trying at their work, tell em the rival house got the work done in half the time, then sit back and relax as the student throws themselves into it. I don’t know about you but I’m not interested in being a good little boy doing what I’m told.”

“Neither am I,” Harry spoke up from the side where he was sprawled on a couch pushed up against the wall forcing the students to turn to see him. 

“Yeah me either, I don’t mind when I’m doing school work but this is not for school.” Hermione joined in from the opposite wall once again making the crowd turn in her direction. 

“Everyone knows we are good little boys,” Fred yelled lying from the back of the room

“We would never do anything wrong,” George added.

Having the saviour, the smartest bookworm and the terror twins all agree, knocked out any opposition anyone might have brought forwards. 

The club went off without a hitch from then on, steady growing with more and more members. And Ron, well he now had plenty of access to people from multiple ages and multiple houses. And if he was a friendly chap and made time to talk to everyone at one stage or another, well that was just him being nice…….

Ron sat down in an abandoned classroom with Hermione and Harry. 

“Hermione, I believe you should enter into a Threesome with Harry and me,” Ron stated. 

She frown unsure.

“Well, I don’t know.” She began.

“I’ve done the research,” Ron explained and proceeded to show her the work he had gathered on the subject along with reference to the books he had gotten his information from. Hermione listen eagerly and nodded occasionally when he mentioned a book she had read as well.   
When he had gotten to the end he looked at her expectantly, confident that Harry would happily follow his lead. 

“I agree.” She said breathlessly then lend forward to kiss Ron. Harry gladly crawling over to them and joining in.   
Privately Ron was convinced he had her at the words ‘I’ve done research’ Hermione being the huge bookworm that she was. Still, it didn’t go to waste as it helped him figure out how to get various tab A’s into different slot B’s. And the spells need to make it a smooth transition for everyone involved. 

As he lay naked on a transfigured bed, Hermione tucked under one arm and Harry under the other, he decided he was going to keep this.  
He was a Dark Lord dammit, (Yes, yes in training) and Dark Lords could have as many partners as they wanted.   
Afterwards, he made sure to teach Harry and Hermione the contraceptive spell along with the others. Babies didn’t appear in his Plan for quite some time yet. 

The end of the year ended on a good note. Ron's strategy for Umbridge went off without a hitch, and she was dragged away by the Aurors for using a Class two dark artefact on minors.   
The fact she was wild-eyed and twitching was just more proof that she was a user of dark arts.   
No, it had nothing to do with being pranked constantly by thousands of students and not having any adult support, why do you ask?

There was also the fact that quite a lot of students from all four houses had confided in Ron that their Fathers had gone to a very important meeting last summer and still had not returned, and they were getting a tad worried that all might not be well.   
Ron had listened gravely and offered his support to both the students and their families. The students walked away comforted and would remember this in years to come. Voldemort had stolen their fathers, Ron had looked out for their whole family.

No Ron hadn’t told anyone that Voldemort was dead, he wasn’t an idiot while everyone was focused on ‘Lord Voldemort’ no one was paying attention to him. Giving him much more room to move. 

* *

That summer Ron tricked the adults into allowing Hermione to stay for the whole break. He knew when he found a good thing and he wasn’t willing to be separated from his lovers.  
Have Hermione there for the summer was good for two main reasons.

Reason one was yes exactly what all you people with your minds in the gutter are thinking of. (They are three teenagers with hormones flying of cause they are going to have as much sex as they can.) 

BUT reason two (which was just as valid as reason one) was he was able to better organise and keep track of all his contacts. Hermione had been mighty impressed when he pulled out a world map and showed her the spots marking where all his contacts lived.   
He had pretty much the whole of Britain covered, as well as good inroads into France and Bulgaria. (Got to love cross-school unity right?) 

Hermione was so good at organising that Ron had to move certain parts of his plan forwards. Everything was going so well that he complained privately to his lovers that he was worried that things were going to stall all because he didn’t have a cause yet.   
Hermione and Harry had blinked at him confused then looked at each other in bemusement. 

“But you do have a cause, you have had one for years now.”

“What? I do? What cause?” Ron asked flummoxed how can he have a cause without knowing about it?

“The fight against injustice is your cause,” Hermione said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“No, it’s not,” Ron responded. 

“Rescuing me from my abusive relatives,” Harry began

“Rescuing Ginny from possession.” Hermione joined in

“Rescuing Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh from starvation”

“Rescuing Dobby from slavery.”

“Agreeing to keep Dobby as a free elf and paying him.”

“Giving Harry a new home and family”

“Taking on Winky and respecting her wishes not to be freed.”

“Rescuing Harry from Voldemort and the Death Eaters.”

“Killing Voldemort and the Death Eaters.”

“Allowing school children the right to be taught defence spells.”

“Getting rid of abusive School Teachers/ ministry toads.”

“Offering comfort and support to the children of death eaters.”

“We could go on if you want.” Harry sardonically said.

“Fuck me!” Ron breathed astounded. “My cause is injustice.” He thought this over for a moment a little concerned. Not because he had anything against injustice, it was just well…. something Hero’s fought for, not Dark Lords.   
After offering this thought aloud he was reassured it not the cause but how you go about that matters. And he had been suitable Dark lord like by been sneaky and working in

the background and getting his followers to do all the showy work that had to be done in front of a crowd. 

Unfortunately that summer there was the incident with Ginny.  
Ron sleepily sat down for breakfast at the family table. Harry stumbled after him and plonked down in the seat next to his. He arched his back and stretched his arms above his head yawning as Ron watched appreciatively.   
There has been a long discussion on what was appropriate to wear in front of people involving Hermione, Harry, and him. Harry, if he could get away with it, would wear absolutely nothing, where Hermione wanted him to be completely covered up, Ron was hovering somewhere in the middle.   
The final compromise was that Harry would sleep naked but would put on a pair of PJ pants when he got up. Which left Ron with a very nice view of a sculpted chest to look at while he ate his breakfast. 

The table jostled slightly and Ron looked away from Harry to see Ginny sit down on the opposite side. He watched her a frown starting to creep across his brown as the rest of the children came in and sat down.   
She was acting very odd. Her hair must be annoying her because she kept tossing her head and flicking it over her shoulder. Ron didn’t understand if it was annoying her this much why she did just get a hair tie and pull it up out of her face. 

As the food was put on the tablet and everyone began to eat he got more concerned. She had left her hair alone but was now closing one eye, then rapidly blinking, then closing one eye again.

“What’s wrong with your eye?” Ron burst out. 

Silence instantly hit the table as everyone paused. 

“Nothing Ron,” Ginny said annoyed. 

“No, something is defiantly wrong. You were blinking like crazy.” Ron asserted. “Did you get a bit of hair stuck in it when you were flicking it out of your face earlier?” 

Harry abruptly stiffened and began to look very determinedly at the ceiling. 

“Shut up Ron.” Ginny hissed her whole face beginning to flush red. 

Ron didn’t understand, there was nothing to get embarrassed about having a sore eye. Deciding to be a good older brother and help his little sister out Ron bellowed. 

“Mum, there is something wrong with Ginny’s eye.” 

Harry’s body gave a little jolt as Ginny went bright red and she shot a look of pure malice at him. 

Ron turned to Harry who was still looking at the ceiling. 

“What’s wrong with you now?” Harry shook his head not speaking, lips pressed tightly together. 

“Excuse us for a second,” Hermione said to Ron’s mum as she came bustling over to Ginny. 

Hermione then dragged both Ron and Harry outside. The twins followed gleefully behind munch toast like they were expecting to see a great show. 

“What’s going on?” Ron demanded. 

Harry still wasn’t looking at anyone but now was staring determinedly over the fields.   
No one looked like they were going to speak up until Hermione. She took a deep breath folded her arms together and stood up straight like she was about to give a school report. 

“It’s like this Ron. There was, in fact, nothing wrong with Ginny’s eye.” When he opened his mouth to rebut this she powered over the top of him. 

“What you witnessed was Ginny winking and then fluttering her eyelids.” Ron looked at her blankly for a second

“Why?” He asked. 

Harry’s body began to shake. 

“I do believe she was attempting to flirt with Harry.”

“WHAT!!” Ron yelled. 

Harry let out a snort and then burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard that he was clutching his stomach. The twins were laughing as well and even Hermione had a grin on her face. 

“Why is she flirting with Harry? He’s already taken!” Ron snapped. 

“I don’t think she got the memo, oh mighty Lord and Master,” Fred said. 

“And you don’t want to announce it too loudly either,” George added

“Unless you want Mum to separate you and Harry from sharing a room.” They sing-song. 

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Ron snapped

“And miss out on the show?” They chorused. “Not a chance.” 

Ron scowled then looked back at Harry who was sitting down on the ground still laughing.   
“Wrong with your eye!!!” He gasped out between laughter which set the lot of them off again. Ron frowned at his followers. They were all laughing, He knew that other Dark Lord would be ruling their subject with fear and pain.   
But truthfully, fear and pain didn’t really do it for Ron, not for his followers anyway. He sighed, I guess this means they get to laugh at me after all. 

But he would be keeping a close watch on his little sister. Yes, they were all taught to share with their siblings but Ron was almost positive that rule applied to clothes and lollies, not people.   
But just in case he was wrong Ron decided that as a Dark Lord (In Training) he was allowed, no encouraged to break some rules. 

Ron had to sit down and have some serious words with his mother in regards to his plans with the Twins, but using a combination of flattery bribes and guilt trips he had won her around to the idea that two of her children become successful businessmen without even finishing school was something to brag about. 

So that worked out well. In the end, the biggest issue Ron and Hermione had that summer was keeping clothes on Harry. 

It seemed every time they turned around he was naked, not only that, but the sly little bastard knew how to put his body to maximum use and also knew what their weakness was.   
Which meant despite his and Hermione’s best effort Harry got to spend a huge amount of time either dozing naked in the sun under their appreciative gaze or tricking them into have sex whenever he wanted it. (Yes ok so he wasn’t really twisting their arms but the point still stands, Ron is the Dark Lord, Harry is his pet hero. Ron should be the one deciding when they have sex, not Harry.)

On a side note, Molly Weasley was convinced that because there were three of them they couldn’t get ‘up to mischief’ as one of the boys would end up being chaperone to the other two.   
She wasn’t quite sure yet which one of the boys Hermione was going to choose as she seemed so friendly with both, but either way, suited Molly just fine.   
Ron found this to be extremely convenient as it meant the three of them could go on a ‘nice walk around the neighborhood’ (i.e. just out of eyesight to furious fuck each others brains out) and come back glowing and satisfied to Molly happily exclaiming the country air was doing them good. 

* * 

Sixth year was interesting.

Snape made an astonishingly good defence professor, assuming you could ignore ninety percent of his personality.   
Slughorn on the other hand was a terrible potion teacher. He had gone in the complete opposite of Snape and instead of cowering in terror, you were awkwardly trying to escape his friendliness.   
Why you couldn’t get someone in-between Ron didn’t know and chalked it up to the weird hiring policy Dumbledore ascribed to. 

Speaking of Dumbledore he tried to get Harry interested in a treasure hunt for Voldemort’s old belongings. This did not please Ron at all, so he gathered Winky Dobby and a surprising amount of other elves he had unknowingly offered protection to.   
(“I have?” Ron asked bewildered.   
“Yes, you told me to offer it on your behalf.” Hermione hissed out the side of her mouth.  
“Right.” Ron replied having done no such thing but willingly rolling with the punches.)  
“Ok, my loyal elf friends,” and royally ignoring the burst of tears this produced. “I need you to go and gather anything that belonged to Lord Voldemort….” He paused as Harry whispered in his ear. “And anything that belongs to a Tom Marvolo Riddle.”

His elf army nodded and disappeared. It took them a couple of months but in the end, Ron was confronted with a huge pile of odds and ends ranging from a pile of junk like mouldy shoes to some very ugly bling. Like the tacky locket and silly-looking half-crown.   
Hermione had made some noise about them being ancient artefacts but was overruled by Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh who said they were like the snake she had once eaten that had two lives.   
These objects had bits of life shoved in them. Even Hermione had recoiled at that and after gathering then all in a small stone room off to the side of the chamber of secrets Ron had allowed Harry to try his hand at fiend fire. 

The resulting blaze and slightly crazy cackle coming from Harry raised a couple of red flags for Ron who was concerned he him have the makings of a pyromaniac on his hands.   
A concern that wasn’t diminished when Harry ended up in the hospital wing near the end of the year with a burn on his face. The burn coved the whole of his iconic lightning bolt scar.   
Talking with Harry privately, he admitted that whenever he had gotten bored and was by himself he had been getting off to burn things with fiend fire, and this latest blaze got a bit out of hand and ended up burning his scar. 

“It was a bit weird,” Harry confided, “My scar produced this black smoke like stuff which gave a high pitched scream as my beautiful fire ate it.” 

Ron came to two conclusions then. 

1) Harry’s scar must have been one of those things Voldemort had put some of his life into. He could see that Hermione had come to the same conclusion. 

2) they were going to have to change the plans so that Harry didn’t get bored, (or left alone for too long). 

Once he was discharged, after Dumbledore of all people had spent a very long time examining the burn over the scar. Leaving Ron shaking with rage once he realised Dumbledore must have known Harry was cursed and had done nothing about it. 

Ron and Hermione had taken Harry to an abandoned classroom and proceeded to tag team him until they managed to fuck him into obviation.   
(When they had first started this threesome, one of Ron’s points to Hermione had been that with two boys it meant she would never be left unsatisfied. In reality, it turned out they needed both of them in order to keep up with Harry’s sexual appetite. Something Ron was sure they would be a bit more disgruntled about if it wants for the fact Harry constantly gave them both screaming orgasms.) 

Ron and Hermione were petting Harry’s satisfied sleeping body that lay between them as they talked about what they planned to do next. Hermione bit her lip like she really didn’t want to admit this next part out loud before sighing and saying.

“We shouldn’t go back to school next year. You have enough plans in place that you could begin your next stage and take over the ministry. That would keep Harry extremely busy, and would keep your plans from stagnating.”   
Ron’s eyebrow shot up in surprise.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, your plans as Dark Lord are more important than schoolwork, besides, it’s not like you won’t let me come back and finish my last year at a later date.” She muttered. 

* *

And so that summer plans were put into place and notes were spread letting his Followers know that the time was getting close.

The three of them were also invited to become members of the Order of the Phoenix. Listening at their first meeting Ron was a bit bemused to find that they were convinced Voldemort was still around due to the constant whispers about the ‘dark lord’ they were constantly hearing.   
Dumbledore was extremely worried that Snape still hadn’t been called to Voldemort’s side. And while all the other known Death eaters hadn’t been seen for two years now, their families had gone from telling Snape they were a bit concerned to being coldly polite and not saying anything more interesting then comments on the weather.   
Ron smiled to himself, at this proof of loyalty coming from the Dark Families. Being part of the Order was going to be extremely useful.

Ron spent nearly the entire year getting everything in place. Most of the ministry workers would be staying where they were. His followers had spoken to them and found out that they would be entirely happy to work in a ministry that ran more smoothly.   
In fact, it turned out that he would only have to remove a bunch of people from the highest jobs and the ministry would be his. 

The reason he didn’t do this immediately was he wanted to take out the Order in a bloodless battle.   
And he was a Dark Lord dammit he was going to break onto the scene in style. So everything built toward the big climax. He made the order chase shadows until everything was in place then he made sure they knew the Dark Lord was going to attack the ministry.   
(He also made sure reporters from multiple newspapers caught wind of this as well. He planned to make sure everyone knew that he was the new Dark Lord.) 

In the end, it went off perfectly. 

The order came storming into the atrium from one side Harry heroically in the lead.

Ron and a bunch of his followers came majestically from the other side. All of them wearing cloaks with the hoods up.   
The cloaks had magic that made the hoods show nothing but endless blackness inside keeping the wears identity a secret. And also had mist swirl out from the bottom of the cloaks. The sight of a hundred faceless people walking through mist with Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh rising up behind them was one that was both awe-inspiring and terrifying. 

Everyone else who was in the Atrium at that time parted to either wall, not blocking the Light side and the Dark side from each other.   
(Not leaving either, are you crazy why would they run away when they could watch an epic battle between the forces of good and evil. What do you mean for their own safety don’t be ridiculous they will be fine, they were on the side weren’t they.) 

Ron wasn’t an idiot he knew a lot of his power would come from his image. Therefore he made a particular effort to find a good stylist. There was no need to chop off his nose in order to look scary. 

Draco Malfoy was surprisingly brilliant at this and seemed much happier knowing that Ron wanted him to play with fabrics and advise about fashion instead of all the ickiness that came with being a Death Eater. Ron was quite pleased that Voldemort hadn’t done the same with Lucius, otherwise, he might have been much harder to get rid of. 

The photographers were doing a good job of getting both sides as they came towards each other.

Harry struck an unaware heroic pose as he shouted out that he would fight to stop the dark lord and his spread of injustice.   
(Ron who had helped Harry practise that pose for eight months knew just how hard it was to get exactly right without it looking like it was deliberate or forced, was so going to blow Harry afterwards for getting just right.) 

He held up a hand and his followers instantly came to a halt. He took a single step forwards before reaching up and lowering his hood exposing his face.  
The Order stepped back shocked as Harry let out a ragged moan of despair and sunk to his knees.   
(He really was an astoundingly good actor, even Ron who knew better was convinced that Harry was devastated). The flashes from the cameras continued constantly not want to miss a moment as the reporters and ministry works burst into whispers. 

“I am the Dark Lord Ron Weasley.” 

He proclaimed for two reasons. One to officially mark the beginning of his reign, two as he had mostly been in the background to make sure everyone knew who he was.

“I killed the last dark lord with my pet Basilisk,”

He said gesturing to Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh. Who preened under all the looks and pictures coming her way. 

(Ron was extremely glad she had never learnt the human tongue as there was no way he would have been able to get away with that statement otherwise.)

“And now I rule in his stead.” He turned from the crowd and looked back at the crying saviour on his knees.

“Harry,” He said softly.   
The whole room became instantly silent as everyone wanted to eavesdrop of the ‘private’ conversation between the Dark Lord and Light Saviour.

“Harry, my beloved friend, and confidant. I wish to give you this solemn oath. I don’t want any more magical blood to be spilt. All magical blood is precious and we have been recklessly throwing it away for decades now, I wish to put an end to it.   
To stop the fighting and bring all magic to harmony once more, like in the golden age of Merlin and Morgana. Will you lay down your arms and join me?” He offered holding out a hand. 

The whole atrium paused as they watched to see what Harry would do. He slowly looked up tears sparkling in his lashes and on his cheek like fragile crystals. 

(Fuck, Ron was so finding out where Harry learned that glamour spell and kick whoever taught him. Ron sporting a raging hard-on right at this moment was not appropriate. Thank Merlin for Draco’s instance about billowing robes)

“Do you promise?” Harry asked watery

“I swear, I have no desire to continue to fight, but to bring about the golden age once more.”

“Then yes, I will join you,” Harry paused then added submissively “My Lord.”

Yeah, Ron’s hard on? Not going away anytime soon. 

Harry bowed his head and Ron lay his hand on Harry's hair in benediction. 

(And yes ok he paused there for longer than normal but he wanted to make sure the photographers got a good shot. They did in fact and Ron had the shot framed and in his office.)  
Ron then held out his other hand. 

“Hermione? Are we going to fight on opposite sides, my love?” He beseeched. 

“Oh, Ron.” She cried then ran into his arms burring her face in his neck. (Her acting on the other hand wasn’t that great but it was believable enough for the masses and that was the important thing. Ron mostly didn’t need her to act.) 

“What about the rest of you?” Ron asked. “Please don’t make me break up our family.” The twins looked at each other shrugged and walked across to join them. That was the last of his followers, but Ron’s planning played out.

Starting with Harry and having other members come across one at a time, the herd mentality kicked in and another person joins, then another and another. Slowly at first but speeding up until a huge chunk broke away and joined Ron’s side. Leaving just Dumbledore, Snape, Kinsley, and McGonagall. 

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do this, my boy,” Dumbledore said gravely and drew his wand. He didn’t get much further as Harry sprung up shielding Ron and disarmed Dumbledore.   
Without his wand, he was quickly subdued by the Aurors, with the public clamouring for him to be chuck in Azkaban. 

That lesson Ron had learnt in second year about people believing anything you tell them was coming in extremely handy now.

Dark Lord Ron told them he wanted to stop fighting and bring about the next golden age and Dumbledore had wanted to stop that. Well, the people were most displeased with this idea. 

The picture that made the front page of the newspapers was of Ron in the middle with Hermione on his right hold his hand and Harry sitting at his feet staring worshipfully up at him. The order members mixed among his followers with Sssshhhhshhheeerrrashhhhhahhhh looming over all of them. Ron’s left hand was shot up in the air holding his wand aloft as he stared triumphantly at the viewer. The headline was as follows

**“All Hail the new Dark Lord. Ron Weasley.”**

* *

Ron, now he was a Dark Lord was reorganising his follower’s jobs. He started with the least important and slowly worked up the list. Most were staying doing what they were already doing. Some had minor tweaks, and some had to have whole new jobs.   
Finally, he got to the last four. The twins were going to stay as inventors and joke shop owners, but Ron crossed off soldiers. 

“Hermione, you are still going to be my adviser, but I’m taking soldier and student off your job description and adding ministry worker.”   
She nodded looking quite please with that. 

“Put me in as an entry-level position, I want to work my way to the top.” She advised.   
Ron hmm in agreement and wrote that down. 

“Harry, I’m taking soldier and student from you, but I’m leaving Hero.”

“No,” Harry said shortly.

“What?” Ron asked confused,   
he had been confident Harry didn’t want to be a soldier or student anymore.

“No, I’m not going to be the Hero, you don’t need one now you are the Dark Lord.”

“Well then what are you going to be?” Ron asked

“I’m going to be your sex slave.”   
There was a resounding silence after this proclamation.

“My what?” Ron croaked out after a bit. 

“Sex slave,” Harry confirmed resolutely. “It’s going to work out great. To have the Boy-who-lived and current Hero as your sex slave will improve you standing as Dark Lord.   
And as for me, it means I get to go around naked all day long, lounging on cushions looking handsome as I eat grapes. The only thing I have to think about is pleasing you and Hermione sexually.” 

Ron and Hermione continued to blink at him astounded as Harry continued.

“You are going to buy me a collar to wear, one that I will never take off. Made out of suede leather, pitch black in colour with silk lining, that will feel quite nice against me neck I believe,”   
He then looked at Ron demandingly. 

“Well?” 

Ron wasn’t entirely sure where Harry’s definition of sex slave came from he suspected all the fan fiction Harry had been reading lately but it certainly wasn’t the normal definition. 

Still, as Ron crossed out Hero and added Sex slave, it was what Harry wanted and would hopefully keep him away from any more fiend fire. 

Funnily enough, Harry as his Sex slave did in fact work out great. Harry had gotten his collar, along with a bunch more jewellery he had demanded, and Ron had found the sight of Harry sprawled over a bunch of cushions wearing nothing but jewellery glinting from various spots all over his body. 

(And Ron did mean all over his body, he didn’t even know you could wear jewellery there, let alone what sort to get, he had left it in Harry’s capable hands and was constantly spilt between pleased arousal and alarmed concern, where the hell was Harry getting the ideas for these jewellery pieces) 

to be extremely good at distracting all the officials who came in for meetings with Ron. Which in turn meant Ron ended up getting more of what he wanted then the officials had originally meant to give. 

Harry had reluctantly compromised to wearing harem pants if there were minors present otherwise spend the rest of his time parading around butt naked. His mother had scolded Ron, but not for what he was expecting. Not uttering a peep about the whole Dark lord or sex slave thing she had instead shamed him for not taking better care of Harry and placed a constant warming charm on Harry’s collar which would keep him comfortable no matter the temperature.

There was the other benefit of having a sex slave constantly around. Harry was entirely good at helping Ron out. Whenever he got frustrated or angry when dealing with people, Harry would be there on his knees, or his back or sitting in Ron’s lap and would proceed to take all his frustration and leave Ron feeling relaxed and clear-headed ready to once more take on the responsibilities that came with the mantel of Dark Lord. 

* * 

Five Years Later. 

Ron stepped through the Floo and went over to give his Mum a kiss on the cheek. It was Christmas and everyone had been invited to spend it at the Barrow this year.

“Sorry we are late Mum, we had Dark Lord Business to deal with,” Ron said. 

And by Dark Lord Business what Ron meant was Harry had decided to start this Christmas off with a bang and proceeded to fuck to two of them into the mattress so thoroughly that they had collapsed unconscious and had only just woken up twenty minutes ago.   
The Christmas gathering had started three hours ago.

“Can’t be helped.” Molly agreed. “At least you’re here now.” 

Ron nodded ignoring the filthy looks he was getting from his brothers. They all had to be here four hours ago, to help set up and no excuse they offered had gotten them out of it.   
Hermione was next to come out of the Floo, Ron, and Molly ready to help as she was visibly pregnant.

“Oh Minister, it was good of you to come,” Molly said drawing her into a hug.   
Hermione rolled her eyes and said long sufferingly.

“Mum, you can still call me Hermione, even if I’m the Minister of Magic.” Molly looked rather flustered and refused, bringing an end to the ritual Hermione had to endure ever since she started in this position. 

Harry was the last to appear holding onto a child with each arm. Two more children were holding onto his legs and another two were strapped to his chest and back.   
There was a swarm of arms as everyone rushed to pull a child of Harry as he was still fell out of the Floo every time he used one. 

Harry burst out laughing from his position on the floor and all their children laughed as well

“For goodness sakes Harry, I thought you were going to send them with an elf, not take them all yourself.” Hermione scolded, while Molly in the background began giving all her grandbabies kisses and hugs. 

“I gave the elves some time off to celebrate Christmas,” Harry replied. “I can handle the kids for a couple of hours.” 

Harry had, once Hermione had first gotten pregnant happily added stay at home dad to his job title.   
He hadn’t given up his other title but had found a balance with the elves to make time to be both a doting father (With reluctant pants wearing) and a sex slave still scandalously shocking people meeting with Ron.

The Weasley clan had grown to such a horde. (Yes Ron was well aware he was contributing the most to this but the Harry Hermione and Him all wanted a large family and had no plans to stop yet) that there was no way they could fit inside even with magic.   
So Ron’s brothers had spent the morning setting up a huge pavilion and with the help of warming charms and other spells made it extremely comfortable for the entire family. 

All was going extremely well in his life he had his wife on one side and his slave on the other.   
(When they had planned to get married they had tried to organise a Tri wedding but Harry had adamantly refused saying he was completely happy as their slave and had no desire to become husband as he knew perfectly well the love between them wasn’t going to change with the title. Ron and Hermione reluctantly agreed to accept his wishes.)

His mother was scolding his brothers asking them why they couldn’t be more like Ron, the only Weasley to ever become a Dark Lord and only Dark Lord to be a bringer of a golden age. 

His children were happily playing with their cousins and he had three more little tykes on the way.

If he hadn’t become a Dark lord things would be so much different. Some of his family probably wouldn’t be sitting here, they would have died in the war,

and Harry might not be theirs, Merlin he probably would have been snatched up by his thieving little sister Ginny. 

He and Hermione wouldn’t have had the resources or help to have so many kids, they probably stopped at one of each. 

And the injustice would still be flowing freely throughout Britain. 

You know what it had been an extremely good decision to become a Dark Lord. He didn’t regret it in the slightest. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first attempt at Crack,  
> How did I go?  
> Did you find any of it funny?  
> I would love to hear your thoughts


End file.
